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 Post subject: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 11:13 
Foxxy
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Alright guys, I could really use some insight or advice or whatever from people who don't really know me, the other person involved, or the situation. I'll try and keep it as short as I can, but it might get a little long, sorry.

About 9 years ago I met Andy through a mutual friend. I was just finishing up my freshman year of high school, he had just finished his junior. I liked him right away and the next school year we became friends. Unfortunately he had a girlfriend but at the end of the year right before graduation, they broke up and he confessed that he'd been interested in me the whole time, but never thought he had a chance. So that summer we started dating. I was still in school, I had a job, and I was an athlete, plus he was working full time. So needless to say, we didn't have much time for each other and eventually he decided that this wasn't fair. We both really cared about each other, but one day he told me that even though he did care about me, he didn't think it was fair to me to be dating someone that could never see me and who really didn't want to come back for any of the "important" high school things. Mainly prom and that sort of thing. So we ended things but remained close for the next few years.

Since moving back to my hometown about 2 years ago after college (or uni for everyone but Americans,) we'd started talking a lot more and eventually started hanging out again. One night while out for drinks we realized that all of the chemistry that had been there when we dated the first time was still there, except it had grown as we had both grown and matured. So we decided to start dating again, but both wanted to take things slowly because of baggage that we knew we were both bringing to the table.

About a month ago he started acting a little weird. Before where he would call about once a day just so we could talk about our days or maybe set up our next date, he was suddenly calling about once a week. Then he got really sick and after hanging out one day when he got better he told me that he had a lot of time to think while he was sick (and since so sick, spent the entire two weeks sober,) and he realized that he wasn't as over the issues his last relationship brought up as he thought he was and he wanted to take a step back. Since this talk, we've hung out maybe twice. We were supposed to hang out this week, at his request, but when I emailed him my work schedule for the week like he asked I got nothing back. I did talk to him a few nights ago and he said something about hanging out this weekend but we didn't really make definite plans since I'm going to be fairly busy all weekend.

I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I'm leaning more towards telling him to go fuck himself, but seeing as we have been close for almost 10 years now, I don't really want to do that. We have a lot of fun when we do get together and he gets me in a way that most people don't, but at the same time, I know that I'm worth more than this. Unfortunately I know that since we've proven in the past that we're not very good at being "just friends" if I break things off, I have to cut him out of my life completely and forever and that thought makes me very sad. What do you guys think?


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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 11:32 
Closet Connoisseur
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I wish I could help, but I have enough relationship issues on my own. If I knew what to do, I'd help you out.

If it were me, I'd probably continue seeing him every chance I got. Maybe things will get better.


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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 12:53 
Foxxy
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That's just it. He makes it so difficult to see him. I don't know how much longer I can handle this crap.


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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 13:19 
Slutty Mexican
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Well, I'm not really the best person to give relationship advice, but I would suggest you talk to him about how much of a crappy situation it is, and maybe take a couple of months apart...if he has "issues", he needs to work on them on his own.
I don't know what else to say, sorry, I suck at this :(

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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 13:23 
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Sounds to me like he has backed off.

Couple of reasons:

1) he met someone he is more interested in
2) he is a pathetic douche and needs to be nursed back to health after his last ex raped him - if it this tell him to fuck off, he is one of the bitch guys.
3) he might need you to seduce him a bit, guys perceptions are grounded in our first meeting - he may still see you as a freshman/sophmore in high school (I have no idea how old you are)
4) he is just lame/weak/insert fail adjective here.

Knock some of these possibilities around, if it's none of them, may just be you need to insert some fire to make it so he can't ignore you.

For instance, a girl shows up in lingerie and a trench with 4 inch christian loubo's ...well you may suddenly start getting your phone call once a day again.

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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 13:58 
Reginald Cuntypants
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Sounds like to a degree he's doing the right thing if he feels he can't give you the love and attention you deserve, but cutting you out completely probably isn't the best thing he could be doing.

I've had similar problems with my ex completely clamming up and refusing to talk about how she feels with me, and from my pretty minimal experience, the most you can probably do is let him know you're there for him if he ever wants to talk, then give him some space.

The odds are that trying to get closer will only make him withdraw further. When he's ready to talk -and he feels you're still there for him- he will. I don't think it's possible to just 'make' somebody feel better.

Perhaps you can try to give him the opportunity to talk about his issues every now and then, but in a subtle way so that he has the option to scoot over the subject if he's still not ready. It might be a bit tricky to do, though.

I guess the second outcome could simply be that it's time to move on. Friends and lovers change constantly, and maybe you've just got to accept that it's not going to work between you two. I know it's clich├ęd, but go with what you feel.
And for the love of god, don't make any impulsive decisions. I've done stupid things in the heat of the moment that seemed like a great idea at the time and they only ever made things worse.

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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 14:52 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Let him work his issues out. Like give him some time, but then if he's still weird about this, call him on it.

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 Post subject: Re: "Relationship" advice?
PostPosted: 03 Jul 2009, 16:43 
Foxxy
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We finally talked today and I expressed how unhappy I was with the situation and made sure not to make him feel as though I was pressuring him for anything but that I was a little confused and frustrated. We both admitted that things could be done a little differently on both of our parts and that lack of communication was just killing us, mainly on his end.

So... we both have the entire weekend off because of the holiday and when I get home we're going to work out time to hang out. He's been in a bit of a slump lately and realized that he was kind of pushing me away, but never meant to really hurt me or make me feel as though he didn't care.

And Mzz, the seduction part was definitely taken care of a while ago when we started seeing each other again the second time. (and for the record, I'm 24.) Unfortunately, as much as I would LOVE to show up at his house in some lingerie and 4 inch heels, 1)I think his roomate would flip the fuck out and 2)that would make me way taller than him and I just find that odd.


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