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 Post subject: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 10:34 
Spam Warrior
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Um where do i start

Divorce....

Seems like it is very much so on the cards, its fucking difficult and i'm helpless

I would appreciate total privacy i.e no shit on facebook about it because i dont want the world to know, im gonna try my hardest to keep the whole thing low key, however, advice would be welcome.

I'm married to my job not her is what she said...

FML

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 12:44 
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I have been through divorce so this is first hand. No bullshit, go for the throat, don't play nice, don't let yourself believe that you can remain friends because that is a classical "friend-zone tactic" most women will use. This is not a situation you can get out of amenably. Take everything you can, give nothing back. If you have kids, take custody, if you have property, get it all, if you are likely to have to pay alimony, then hide whatever income you have. Trust me no matter how much you loved each other this WILL turn nasty and at that point she WILL do whatever she can to rip your balls out through your nostrils. Don't ever let yourself be put on the defensive, go strong offensive all the way. Cover your ass. Make sure that your lawyer understands this and is prepared to serve you her liver in a nice pate'. If your lawyer has any qualms about making her look like a crack whore in court then find someone who will. Document every transgression, if she fucked around or even starts fucking around while you are separated, get pictures.

I know it sounds harsh, but trust me when I say that if you play nice you WILL be fucked. The laws are written for women, they are not written for men. According to divorce laws (at least here in the states) the man is a sorry sob and will pay through the nose if the marriage contract is broken, no matter who breaks it.

you may be married to your job, but I am willing to bet money that she is married to your paycheck, and if she isnt now, she will GET married to your paycheck in the divorce.

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 12:59 
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well yea pretty much that minus the kids

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 13:01 
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Shit, sorry to hear about this. Hope you don't get fucked by it all. Can't say I've ever experienced a divorce. My parents are even still together, but good luck. Surely this has got to be difficult for you.


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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 13:51 
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Shit Peterman, that just sucks. I know you work hard and all, but you'd think she woulda been willing to at least communicate a bit more about being unhappy before it's suddenly like *bam* divorce. Unless she did and you ignored it which doesn't seem likely.

Either way, unfortunately, I'm with Dag here. Protect your ass in this one. If this is the road she wants to take, make sure you're safe and wont get screwed royal. Hope you're OK man. That just sucks. :( Come to the states and party with us! (Joking mostly.)


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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 14:30 
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Cheers guys, a broken man is a pretty pathetic thing, i feel quiet pathetic cause its getting to me

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 18:24 
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Quote:
you may be married to your job, but I am willing to bet money that she is married to your paycheck, and if she isnt now, she will GET married to your paycheck in the divorce.


Same reason my dad won't marry my mother. And they've been together for 29 years. :ugh:


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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 19:06 
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Cut the mopey shit, at least on the outside. Appear to be the happiest most confident negro in the UK, it'll drive her apeshit.

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 19:17 
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Thats what im planning on doin, however we are only separated, divorce still might not happen, perhaps its a reality check.

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 19:38 
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Mark Peterman wrote:
Um where do i start

Divorce....

Seems like it is very much so on the cards, its fucking difficult and i'm helpless

I would appreciate total privacy i.e no shit on facebook about it because i dont want the world to know, im gonna try my hardest to keep the whole thing low key, however, advice would be welcome.

I'm married to my job not her is what she said...

FML



Yo hold on. Everyone is being way too nice and that is unfair to you.

What the fuck man.

Why has no one said this yet???

You married her. Why the fuck can't you spend some time with her?

You obviously cared about her enough to marry her. So what the fuck? You can't spend time with her. That is something inside you that you need to confront - probably running away from something inside you so you focus on work - where you never have to think.

You need to fucking figure out what that is and deal with it because I this is an all you issue not and "us" (you and your wife) issue. Go handle that then reevaluate.

No woman wants to be ignored. It's in their nature - she is probably really hurting and trying to get your attention in the only way she can.

You need to think deeper about this.

I mean all of this in the most affectionate way.

-Mzz

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 21:00 
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Mzz may be right actually.


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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 25 Jan 2010, 21:43 
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yeah holler at mzz. you want to save the marriage or you wanna go damage control on it?
spend some time with her? make her feel special etc etc etc
spend some time gathering dirt on her? hide your tracks, get a lawyer sorted?

your call man. shitsucks, sorry to hear it went south man. hope it all works out for you whichever way you chose to take it

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2010, 11:10 
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Try and spend time with her. I am going through the same thing. My husband was married to his softball and his job. If he wasnt playing softball, he was working and I came in somewhere around 4th on his list of priorities...(right after his fucking mom). I cried to him all the time about how I wanted and NEEDED things to change for years. Now that we are separated and he is living with his sister, suddenly I am top on the list but its to late now. Hopefully that will not be the case for you.

You say you are a sad man right now and you should be. You married that woman for a reason. I dont completely agree with what Dageaux has said. I dont like that approach. Maybe its because Im the woman and I do believe 100% that me and my husband can remain friends and go through this whole ordeal like adults and not money grubbing assholes. I feel like everything single thing we have acquired in our 12 years together have come from both of us. Neither of us own anything more than the other does. Hopefully, you two feel the same way. It will not help the situation any if you turn this into a fight over material and monetary things. Separation and divorce are hard enough without fighting over petty shit.

Not sure what much else to say. Im still going through all of this myself. Its been 7 months since my husband and I have separated and it hasnt gotten any better yet. There are days that go by and I am just depressed for no reason other than I just miss him and us. Hopefully you can put her first before anything because right now, nothing is more important than saving your marriage.

Good luck

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2010, 11:28 
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Thanks lady =) well we spoke today and she came round to the house, we basically just laid in bed hugging, but she wouldn't let me kiss her, says she still needs to think about stuff but i think the chances or repairing the relationship are looking batter

thanks for the support guys ill keep posted

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2010, 11:39 
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Mark Peterman wrote:
Thanks lady =) well we spoke today and she came round to the house, we basically just laid in bed hugging, but she wouldn't let me kiss her, says she still needs to think about stuff but i think the chances or repairing the relationship are looking batter

thanks for the support guys ill keep posted


Aww :)
Give her more attention that you even believe is possible. Send flowers when you are not with her, mail cards to her in the mail, anything to let her know how much you love her and want this work.

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2010, 14:34 
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When a woman says that she doesn't know if she loves me any more and needs to think about it thats BS right? she's just scared of getting hurt if we keep trying??? you cant just stop loving somone can you? not just like that...

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2010, 14:56 
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No sir. When you love someone enough to marry them, you can't just stop loving them. But I think that if she's at the point where she doesn't know if she loves you anymore... well, whatever. I'm hoping that things work out! She came over and there was hugging involved. So hopefully things work out for the best.

But follow Bayou's advice. Fix things before its too late. Good luck!!!


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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 26 Jan 2010, 15:00 
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She's just hurt. Prove to her that you care about her and want to work to keep your relationship strong and surely things will change.
Shower her with attention, but not because you have to, do it because it makes you feel good.

*hugs for peterman*


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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 27 Jan 2010, 06:32 
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Mark Peterman wrote:
Ive put down WoW and started GTA 4 again on the PC loving it, i may even get back into CS or Far cry 2 this year. WoW has started to bore me, im one of the best healers and best tanks on the server, shits too easy


priorities. get them sorted.

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 27 Jan 2010, 07:48 
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BayouGirl wrote:
Give her more attention that you even believe is possible. Send flowers when you are not with her, mail cards to her in the mail, anything to let her know how much you love her and want this work.

omfg rofl don't do anything of this, peterman.

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 27 Jan 2010, 10:16 
Spam Warrior
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JDC wrote:
Mark Peterman wrote:
Ive put down WoW and started GTA 4 again on the PC loving it, i may even get back into CS or Far cry 2 this year. WoW has started to bore me, im one of the best healers and best tanks on the server, shits too easy


priorities. get them sorted.


Yea i kinda do all that shit at work =S

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 27 Jan 2010, 21:35 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Shit sucks bro. Hope everything works out for you saheb. Make memsahib happy!

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 28 Jan 2010, 13:19 
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sorry to hear that marky...i agree w mzz tho (wow). people are being too cynical about it..
gluck fixing it, i bet its worth it

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 28 Jan 2010, 20:07 
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YerlA wrote:
i agree w mzz tho (wow)


was the wow truly necessary?

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 Post subject: Re: All Get in Here
PostPosted: 29 Jan 2010, 07:48 
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mzziqztixl wrote:
YerlA wrote:
i agree w mzz tho (wow)


was the wow truly necessary?


absolutely. It emphasised my point...did u miss me mzz?

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