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 Post subject: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 21:51 
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Alright, i know i've been talking, and obviously i'm not an angel, but i need help with this. I've been avoiding asking because usually i don't ask for help..

So i've been in love with this guy for two years, (yes love, i know i'm 16, but i know what i feel) and he knows it. I've talked to him about it. He's very heavy into drugs and drinking, but he wasn't like that when i met him. We decided not to have anything, because it just didn't work.

So i watch him prance around with chicks, cheat on them, drink, do drugs, and i just stand by and fix his problems when they come up.

He knows i'm always going to be there.

A couple weeks ago i finally knew i would never stoop to actually dating him, because he CAN NOT stick with one girl, and i don't need that. I don't need to be cheated on, lied to, etc.

Now, last night i was with a few friends, him included, and the couple people we were with had shit to do, and me and his ride downtown wasn't off work yet. So we, after getting a bottle of phillips, get dropped off at his house. I was drinking a little, but, me being me, i didn't even bother to think that it took a little bit for vodka to hit. So i'm drinking a lot, but nothing happened. All of a sudden it hits me, and he's kinda drunk too. We're just kinda laughing and having fun, then he's on his bed and i kiss him ans we fool around a little.

I know nothing's going to come of it, and i now get to watch him mess around with more chicks. I'm naturally a little more jealous, but i'm forcing myself to be okay with it.

I'm not sure what to do... about anything i guess.

I'm not sure there's even a question here, i guess maybe i just needed to type it.

I know what i did wasn't that smart, i know, that's not what i need help with..

I'm just not sure.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 23:00 
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the best piece of very, very, very valuable advice i've ever been given in any kind of situation such as this is 'Tell them how you feel' i assure you that you will feel better about it after you get it off of your chest so to speak and i've been in similar situations and it does make it easier (just maybe not as much as you know or maybe not even in the way that you want it to be easier for both parties but it does make it easier) and less stressful.. that being said, the only advice i have for you on the drugs and alcohol is that you should get him to admit that he has a problem.. if and when you get him to admit it aloud then you can start really (and i mean really) helping him.. but if you love him enough to put yourself in the position to 'fix' him then i don't really know what to tell you there..

i have had a similar situation in my life..

my 'unmarried wife' put herself in a position to 'fix' me and the only thing it did to me was allow me to realize that i am, at first, in need of 'fixing' but then again.. 'brokenness begets brokenness'.. she helped me realize that i needed the healing, then before i knew it i was fixed.. but now she's just kinda..broken and i don't want to do the same thing to her but i know that it will help our relationship grow deeper, it will hurt her..thus i am..reluctant.. however i know that in the end she will be better for it.. therefore, i am thoroughly convinced that i am..obligated..to 'fix' her now..

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 23:07 
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If the last 5 years has taught me anything it's this... some relationships just aren't meant to be.

If you really "love" him, then think about how much it would suck to not have him in your life at all. But then again people can always change and maybe it will all work out. Best of luck.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 00:39 
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Join the millitary

You know it makes sense

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 02:50 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Maybe i overdo it sometimes,but you HAVE to speak out...to him!I'm just piss-stupid because i'm just too honest all the time.A girl i was dating asked me "So where do you see US in a year's time" and i said "can i get back to you on that?"
so yeah,maybe speaking out doesn't always yield nice results,but it can make you feel whatever you're not feeling,or ask whatever you can't ask,or think whatever you can't think.Try it! :)

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 09:49 
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Love him as a friend, but IMHO don't try for more.

The way he's going, he's going to need a friend someday - probably to bail him out jail or help him get to a hospital.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 11:14 
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so, let me see: the guy drinks, is into drugs and fulls around with a bunch of girls? and u are 16 and felt in love? fuck it enlever, get away from him! you are far too young to ruin your life for him.

The best u can do is try and help him with his addictions, but don't go too far...YOU ARE 16. i'm sorry, i know u don't lik to be reminded of that, but i think u don0t need any of this shit at this point in your life

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 13:04 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Actually i just read the whole thing again....and like YerlA said,if the guy is a junkie or close to that,it'd be better for you if you left it at that.You could try and do the i-wanna-change-him-for-good but i have a feeling it won't be appreciated in the end.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 15:00 
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Please be careful with guys like this... He has addictions, those addictions will always take precedence over you until he can sort his own life out. Crimson is right in the fact that cleaning him up will likely not be appreciated.

I'm sorry you fell for a guy such as this, obviously he doesn't share your affection else he would have the incentive to not fool around with other girls and maybe find the needed inspiration to overcome his addictions.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 15:17 
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I feel compelled to comment much to my dismay. Addictions are a hell of a thing. And with these kinds of addictions comes a very dark side of person. It comes out, slowly at first, but gradually the feelings which inspire these behaviors (abuse, neglect, insecurity) flare to the surface and randomly hit any bystanders. Trust me.

You don't want to be around what is going to happen. Walk away.

Don't try to help him. Don't tell him to get help. Just get the fuck out. He will either fix himself or he won't but it will be on his own time and his own terms.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 15:47 
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This is a sucky week for us girls in relationships... I'm still thankful, however that I have one, even though I have a few hurdles along the way..

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 16:13 
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MissBrown wrote:
This is a sucky week for us girls in relationships... I'm still thankful, however that I have one, even though I have a few hurdles along the way..

sucky week indeed...the sanctuary came back to life

are u really? i think is better to be alone that to be with the wrong company MissB...but that's just me

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 16:22 
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YerlA wrote:
MissBrown wrote:
This is a sucky week for us girls in relationships... I'm still thankful, however that I have one, even though I have a few hurdles along the way..

sucky week indeed...the sanctuary came back to life

are u really? i think is better to be alone that to be with the wrong company MissB...but that's just me


From what I remember of the different posts about this, that's the general sentiment amongst everyone here. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think we've all said you'll be better off with someone who wants to be with you.


*edit* That applies to all of you.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 17:04 
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rtfd262 wrote:
you'll be better off with someone who wants to be with you.


I'll admit that I have my doubts sometimes, but giving up isn't in my nature. I have to remain positive and work hard to see if I'm doing my part and also push to make him do his. Sometimes, I don't see that I do things that may bug him or hurt him and I need to communicate when he hurts me or bugs me and pray that he loves me enough to compromise. When I see that, I feel more reassured that he wants to be with me...

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 17:09 
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MissBrown wrote:
rtfd262 wrote:
you'll be better off with someone who wants to be with you.


I'll admit that I have my doubts sometimes, but giving up isn't in my nature. I have to remain positive and work hard to see if I'm doing my part and also push to make him do his. Sometimes, I don't see that I do things that may bug him or hurt him and I need to communicate when he hurts me or bugs me and pray that he loves me enough to compromise. When I see that, I feel more reassured that he wants to be with me...


And a get that MissB, all I'm saying is it shouldn't be that hard. Yes, you have to work to try and be both happy, but for what u said you are just suffering too much for him. It's just my oppinion, i know u love him, but i don't think he's good enough for you (of course i don't know neither u or him, but that's how i feel after reading your posts..)


and i got waaaay out of topic, sorry enlever! I hope u are following our advice...get the fuck away from him, srsly

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:14 
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blest'd wrote:
the best piece of very, very, very valuable advice i've ever been given in any kind of situation such as this is 'Tell them how you feel' i assure you that you will feel better about it after you get it off of your chest so to speak and i've been in similar situations and it does make it easier (just maybe not as much as you know or maybe not even in the way that you want it to be easier for both parties but it does make it easier) and less stressful.. that being said, the only advice i have for you on the drugs and alcohol is that you should get him to admit that he has a problem.. if and when you get him to admit it aloud then you can start really (and i mean really) helping him.. but if you love him enough to put yourself in the position to 'fix' him then i don't really know what to tell you there..


I did tell him how i feel, he knows very very well. I'm the only one he's admitted to about having a problem, he knows he has one, and so do i. I actually helped him get into rehab, but he left for one reason or another.

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“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:16 
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rtfd262 wrote:
If the last 5 years has taught me anything it's this... some relationships just aren't meant to be.

If you really "love" him, then think about how much it would suck to not have him in your life at all. But then again people can always change and maybe it will all work out. Best of luck.


I know, and it's not like i'm trying to force anything, ya know? It sucked a lot at first, but i got used to that fact that i'd probably be nothing but a good friend.

I'm kinda sad to say that the only thing that's going to force him to change is sitting in jail for a long time because he got busted and WON'T be able to get a hold of anything. :/

Thank you.

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:17 
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Fear wrote:
Join the millitary

You know it makes sense


Oh perfect sense. I'll be sure to get right on that. Shall i tell them fear sent me? :)

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:19 
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crimsonred wrote:
Maybe i overdo it sometimes,but you HAVE to speak out...to him!I'm just piss-stupid because i'm just too honest all the time.A girl i was dating asked me "So where do you see US in a year's time" and i said "can i get back to you on that?"
so yeah,maybe speaking out doesn't always yield nice results,but it can make you feel whatever you're not feeling,or ask whatever you can't ask,or think whatever you can't think.Try it! :)


Lol, that's funny, because i'm always getting scolded for not thinking before i speak.

I'm not sure.. maybe i didn't add it in my original post, but he knows how i feel. I've told him before, and i told him about 3 weeks ago. He knows very well.

Lol, besides, who really plans a year ahead? :p

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“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:20 
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Dakota wrote:
Love him as a friend, but IMHO don't try for more.

The way he's going, he's going to need a friend someday - probably to bail him out jail or help him get to a hospital.


It's true, i've helped him like that before, and i'm gonna do it again.

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:23 
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YerlA wrote:
so, let me see: the guy drinks, is into drugs and fulls around with a bunch of girls? and u are 16 and felt in love? fuck it enlever, get away from him! you are far too young to ruin your life for him.

The best u can do is try and help him with his addictions, but don't go too far...YOU ARE 16. i'm sorry, i know u don't lik to be reminded of that, but i think u don0t need any of this shit at this point in your life


I know, and honestly, the shit i got myself in for him lat summer was horrible. Summer grounding, lost all trust from my parents.. i Just cant say no.. How do i say no to him??

crimsonred wrote:
Actually i just read the whole thing again....and like YerlA said,if the guy is a junkie or close to that,it'd be better for you if you left it at that.You could try and do the i-wanna-change-him-for-good but i have a feeling it won't be appreciated in the end.


He always screams at me for helping him and getting in his shit, but he knows that i'm right, and apologizes later, when he's sober..

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 22:27 
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MissBrown wrote:
Please be careful with guys like this... He has addictions, those addictions will always take precedence over you until he can sort his own life out. Crimson is right in the fact that cleaning him up will likely not be appreciated.

I'm sorry you fell for a guy such as this, obviously he doesn't share your affection else he would have the incentive to not fool around with other girls and maybe find the needed inspiration to overcome his addictions.


Yeah, i keep reminding myself of that. The he doesn't feel the same way part, otherwise i'd be so so so much worse right not.. I had a rough week about a year ago.. i simply can't go back to that.

mzziqztixl wrote:
I feel compelled to comment much to my dismay. Addictions are a hell of a thing. And with these kinds of addictions comes a very dark side of person. It comes out, slowly at first, but gradually the feelings which inspire these behaviors (abuse, neglect, insecurity) flare to the surface and randomly hit any bystanders. Trust me.

You don't want to be around what is going to happen. Walk away.

Don't try to help him. Don't tell him to get help. Just get the fuck out. He will either fix himself or he won't but it will be on his own time and his own terms.


I can't. I'm not sure how to make that more clear. I can not do that. It's too fucking hard, and i'm not strong enough. I've tried, believe me, i know it would be best and all that, but i can't. I can't say no, and i can't walk away.

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 19 Aug 2008, 06:55 
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He's addicted to drugs, and u are addicted to him......u know he should leave drugs, so why don't u leave him? i'm sure it's tough, but what doesn't kill u only makes u stronger...and u shouldn't say "I can't"!

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 19 Aug 2008, 08:25 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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EnleverJusteLeBord wrote:
Lol, besides, who really plans a year ahead? :p


Apparently 2 of the girls i've dated! :( Sad for me...

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 Post subject: Re: I'm not fucking sure..
PostPosted: 19 Aug 2008, 09:11 
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YerlA wrote:
He's addicted to drugs, and u are addicted to him......u know he should leave drugs, so why don't u leave him? i'm sure it's tough, but what doesn't kill u only makes u stronger...and u shouldn't say "I can't"!


Thank you YerlA.. Thank you.

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