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 Post subject: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 17:21 
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Ok, so, here's my story:

I was 18, I had just started university when a met him...we would stare at each other and smile everytime our paths crossed, but he was six years older than me, so I felt he was just looking at me like a little girl....until he asked me out. It was like a fairy tale story, we started dating, we feel in love...He was my first real boyfriend, the first person I made love with, he was my friend, he made me feel safe, my family loved him, his family thought of me as their daughter...2 years went by, and he decides to go to the eeuu for 4 and a half months to take an internship we had been granted in his field. Of course, as much as i was dying inside, i agreed with him because i knew it was in his best interest. Those previous months before he left all i could think about was "how are we gonna make it through this?"...and all he could think about was his trip and how fabulous it was gonna be...And so he left. And I couldn't stop crying...we used to see each other everyday, and when we didn't we would talk on the phone for 4 of 5 times a day. And a realised i couldn't count on him for everything i needed, cause we barely taked (and even when we did he would talk about himself and his new friends, and the university...). I started to get back my independence (bare in mind i'm a very independent girl, i just get this stupid when i'm in love ), but the pressure was too much: It felt like everyone was looking to see if we would make it, and i had to take that alone 'cause he wasn't here....so, about a mont after he left, i decided i was too young to be suffering that much, and i broke it up (not as easy as it sounds...he's very dominant and he kept trying to convince me, telling me i was ruining my life). Of course, i must accept i was also scared...6 years seem like a big difference...our relationship was very serious...i felt i was missing out on my youth...it was a combination of many things, really

And i started to feel better...i missed him, of course, but i just felt so much lighter...a little while later i started dating a friend's brother (we had been together when we where 17, and i felt we deserved another chance)...everything was ok, it wasn't a serious relationship, and i really didn't feel we could go past the fuck buddies level, but at least i was having fun (it was an exclusive relationship though).

Until....last week my ex-boyfriend came back. We decided to met and catch up this past friday...and i couldn't believe how much i missed him.. He told me about his trip, we laughed...it was like we had never left, i was so confortable. Of course, we talked about my "new guy"...and although we were "fighting", there was like this energy between us..we ended up kissing, but just that...and we decided it was too soon, and that we should wait to see what happens.

I have to brake it up with new.guy, but i'm not that worried about that...

My problem is, I have a lot of friends, but they are just that: they are my friends and they love me, so they are happy as long as I am happy...What i need is objective advise.

Am i a bad person for doing what i did? his friends hate me 'cause they say i'm immature...but i really feel i did what i had to do for my own sake, and it was the only brave thing i could have done, does that make me selfish? He's reluctunt to get back togheter with me, 'cause he fears i'll do the same thing...he told me "i want to get back togheter with u when i feel i really want u, and not just because i don't want to loose u to another guy"...what am i supposed to do? just give him time? his friends hate me, his sister hate me (which, eventhough i understand it, kills me 'cause we used to have a great relationship).

he's also, he says, dissappointed that i slept with another guy (meanwhile, he slept with a lot more than just 1 girl there but, according to him, it's ok 'cause i broke up with him...i don't mind, i just feel he's being a bit of an asshole for calling me a bitch)..but what was supposed to do? is not like i slept with some random guy, and i was not about to sit around and wait for him...i was just living my life


I don't know, i'm really confused, and all i'm sure about is that (even if i don't like this fact) i'm in love with him, and i can't (or want to) get over him....advise PLEASE! (if i didn't bore u to death so far)

=(

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 18:02 
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It seems like he is being pretty damn chauvinistic plus you said he has the dominant personality so first off remove that guilt from your conscience and replace it with a simple "fuck him."

Second, it really sucks when you love someone and then break it off then hang out with them again and yearn for whatever that thing they have is. It hurts a lot and I'm sorry but I can't say much to that. It flat out sucks.

Beyond that, you gave him your blessing to go up there. I was with the one girl I was serious with and got an offer to do to D.C. on a sick internship. But I gave it up because I didn't wanna break it off with my girl. She was worth more to me than the internship. So he let you know right there where you stood on his list of priorities. Another fail imo.

As for all the friends and everything hating you, they are the immature ones. He banged some other chicks too (several according to you) yet your one daliance makes you personae non gratis? Fuck that.

As far as I can tell, from what you've said that is, you were the mature one and now he and all his friends are behaving like retarded douche nozzles.

Finally, it seems to me that you have the foundation for a romance which doesn't come often. But to be completely honest he sounds like a chauvinistic prick so maybe you fell for the bad boy thing because you were immature? and you might not like him as much. Or you might. This is all subjective. Plus women catch feelings for the first guy so yeah. Might need to analyze what you like about him etc.

But yeah, overall you seem to be standing in the good light. I wouldn't be swayed by popular opinion.

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 18:34 
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first of all, Thanks so much for reading the whole thing...

mzziqztixl wrote:
It seems like he is being pretty damn chauvinistic plus you said he has the dominant personality so first off remove that guilt from your conscience and replace it with a simple "fuck him."


He IS very dominant (i tend to be with dominant guys, I have a very strong personality as well and i like feeling challenged), And he is indeed a chauvinistic asshole, but deep down he knows is wrong and that he has no right to judge me---he just can't get over his pride, which i partly get

mzziqztixl wrote:
Second, it really sucks when you love someone and then break it off then hang out with them again and yearn for whatever that thing they have is. It hurts a lot and I'm sorry but I can't say much to that. It flat out sucks.


It does...but i feel like i deserve it


mzziqztixl wrote:
Beyond that, you gave him your blessing to go up there. I was with the one girl I was serious with and got an offer to do to D.C. on a sick internship. But I gave it up because I didn't wanna break it off with my girl. She was worth more to me than the internship. So he let you know right there where you stood on his list of priorities. Another fail imo.


I did gave him my blessing...But because i feel i would have made the same decision...Maybe it's different for u guys, buy opportunities like this don't come often in a thirld world country, and when they do u don't just let them pass...i really don't feel like i meant less to him, it was just the right thing to do


mzziqztixl wrote:
As for all the friends and everything hating you, they are the immature ones. He banged some other chicks too (several according to you) yet your one daliance makes you personae non gratis? Fuck that.

As far as I can tell, from what you've said that is, you were the mature one and now he and all his friends are behaving like retarded douche nozzles.


Thank you. This has been in and out of my thoughts, and i really couldn't think of anything else i could have done to be more mature. so, yeah! they are douche bags :h5:

(on a side note, and i'm just saying this in a very friendly way 'cause it made me laugh, it's "personae non grata", gratis it's free in spanish :P

mzziqztixl wrote:
Finally, it seems to me that you have the foundation for a romance which doesn't come often. But to be completely honest he sounds like a chauvinistic prick so maybe you fell for the bad boy thing because you were immature? and you might not like him as much. Or you might. This is all subjective. Plus women catch feelings for the first guy so yeah. Might need to analyze what you like about him etc.

But yeah, overall you seem to be standing in the good light. I wouldn't be swayed by popular opinion.


he's a great guy...believe me, i respect myself and i wouldn't be with some one who didn't respect me...he's just a bit self centered, and he's really hurt for what i did...i'm just wondering, how much shit do i have to take from him? i do feel he's right about a lot, and i would be mad myself, but, again, i just don't know what could i have done differently, or how to act from here on...

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 17 Aug 2008, 19:31 
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(on a side note, and i'm just saying this in a very friendly way 'cause it made me laugh, it's "personae non grata", gratis it's free in spanish :P

lawl thats what i get for being clever.



Anyway, why do you feel you have to take shit from him? Did he not do exactly what you did? Yet, it's okay...I fail to see the logic.

I do see the difference in opportunity. I guess we really take it for granted up here, so I'll let that go.

But you just said it yourself. He is self-centered. And a group of people hating you because you did it first...hrmmm...i don't think I'd let that fly.

More importantly though, why aren't you mad? I'm not going to try and elaborate but he did stuff with more than one other girl? I would be furious if I had been with one person and my ex was with several and then got mad at me like I had done something wrong. At least you were the clean one and were with one guy that you knew etc.

My advice: Get mad as hell and flame him. See how he reacts when you bring this up. I know you fucking latins love the passion :/ so get him fired up. Find out why he thinks he has the audacity to be self righteous when technically he sinned more.

And for Christ's sake stop saying you'd be mad at yourself blahblah and realize that you should be mad for a lot more at this point. There is no excuse for drama when there is no ring involved.

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 02:42 
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YerlA wrote:
he's a great guy...believe me, i respect myself and i wouldn't be with some one who didn't respect me...he's just a bit self centered, and he's really hurt for what i did...i'm just wondering, how much shit do i have to take from him? i do feel he's right about a lot, and i would be mad myself, but, again, i just don't know what could i have done differently, or how to act from here on...


If you think you'll have to take shit from him,there's your answer.If in any relationship you have to take shit from the other person,then its just not how it should be.

Sorry if i'm digressing from the topic,but i'll give you a small example from my life.I was 16 when i had this thing with a girl(but she was 16 too).We were young and in love.I was thinking long-term easy.Then came college,and she chose to go to another college just because it was ONE rank above mine(she had got into my college too).Fine,i put up with that.Then the eventual long-distance thing happened,busy lives,less talks on the phone,painful nights.And then finally THE call.She said its finished.I was crushed.But at the same time that made me realize just HOW much shit i'd been taking from her over the last 2 years.And trust me it does NOT feel good.

So if you're even considering how much more you'll have to take from him,then YerlA,i think you shouldn't go for it.And when you start defending the other person,that's when you need to realize that...i've had enough! :)

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 11:04 
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mzziqztixl wrote:
(on a side note, and i'm just saying this in a very friendly way 'cause it made me laugh, it's "personae non grata", gratis it's free in spanish :P

lawl thats what i get for being clever.



Anyway, why do you feel you have to take shit from him? Did he not do exactly what you did? Yet, it's okay...I fail to see the logic.

I do see the difference in opportunity. I guess we really take it for granted up here, so I'll let that go.

But you just said it yourself. He is self-centered. And a group of people hating you because you did it first...hrmmm...i don't think I'd let that fly.

More importantly though, why aren't you mad? I'm not going to try and elaborate but he did stuff with more than one other girl? I would be furious if I had been with one person and my ex was with several and then got mad at me like I had done something wrong. At least you were the clean one and were with one guy that you knew etc.

My advice: Get mad as hell and flame him. See how he reacts when you bring this up. I know you fucking latins love the passion :/ so get him fired up. Find out why he thinks he has the audacity to be self righteous when technically he sinned more.

And for Christ's sake stop saying you'd be mad at yourself blahblah and realize that you should be mad for a lot more at this point. There is no excuse for drama when there is no ring involved.


I guess i'm not that mad about this other girls 'cause i broke up with him...He treated me like i was the center of his life for two years and i broke up with him, he was mad and wanted revenge.....I mean, it bothers me, of course...but i guess i feel he didn't really felt anything for them, so i have nothing to worry about. I know it sounds stupid.
I will, however, take your advice and turn it on him, i have nothing to loose at this point

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 11:07 
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crimsonred wrote:
YerlA wrote:
he's a great guy...believe me, i respect myself and i wouldn't be with some one who didn't respect me...he's just a bit self centered, and he's really hurt for what i did...i'm just wondering, how much shit do i have to take from him? i do feel he's right about a lot, and i would be mad myself, but, again, i just don't know what could i have done differently, or how to act from here on...


If you think you'll have to take shit from him,there's your answer.If in any relationship you have to take shit from the other person,then its just not how it should be.

Sorry if i'm digressing from the topic,but i'll give you a small example from my life.I was 16 when i had this thing with a girl(but she was 16 too).We were young and in love.I was thinking long-term easy.Then came college,and she chose to go to another college just because it was ONE rank above mine(she had got into my college too).Fine,i put up with that.Then the eventual long-distance thing happened,busy lives,less talks on the phone,painful nights.And then finally THE call.She said its finished.I was crushed.But at the same time that made me realize just HOW much shit i'd been taking from her over the last 2 years.And trust me it does NOT feel good.

So if you're even considering how much more you'll have to take from him,then YerlA,i think you shouldn't go for it.And when you start defending the other person,that's when you need to realize that...i've had enough! :)


I don't mean it like that...But i feel like i should put up with his complaints with a little more paitience i would, hadn't i broken up with him. Believe me, I know it sounds like i'm one of those stupid women who defend their man no matter what, and i hate it! but he IS a great person, and i know we have a future together..I really think it's worth trying. I'll take mzziqztixl advice and let u know what happens..


thanks for the support guys, i really do need someone to tell me i'm not a bad person from time to time

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 11:12 
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YerlA wrote:
thanks for the support guys, i really do need someone to tell me i'm not a bad person from time to time


didn't realize anyone has called you a bad person.. it's been my experience that it really is a dog-eat-dog world in this confounding thing we call life that you must look after you and your's first and foremost and regardless the situation someone will get hurt.. some more than others yet hurt all the same.. my point is that sometimes you gotta step on other people's toes to get what you want and/or deserve..

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 13:09 
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YerlA wrote:
thanks for the support guys, i really do need someone to tell me i'm not a bad person from time to time


From what i've read and seen,there's not a person who would say that you're a bad person!But anyway,in the end its your life...you make the decisions,you create your future.So if you think what you have is worth giving a 2nd shot,absolutely go for it.Because the worst thing to have in life is regret....and a "what if..." in your mind! :)

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 14:56 
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I don't get how he expects you to stay single when he didn't... that doesn't seem fair to you and sounds controlling.

My policy is to never get back together with an ex. Even if my current situation isn't a happy one, I must always remember that there was a circumstance that defined me as less important than some other aspect in his life (another woman, work, school)...and I would never want to experience that again. If he were capable of meeting my needs, he would've compromised.

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 15:42 
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MissBrown wrote:
I don't get how he expects you to stay single when he didn't... that doesn't seem fair to you and sounds controlling.

My policy is to never get back together with an ex. Even if my current situation isn't a happy one, I must always remember that there was a circumstance that defined me as less important than some other aspect in his life (another woman, work, school)...and I would never want to experience that again. If he were capable of meeting my needs, he would've compromised.


Again, it wasn't his fault we broke up, like i explained before, he DID left, but in a thirld world country u don't let those kinds of opportunities go no matter how much u love someone.


And he is controlling! i'm fully aware of that and i feel differently now...i'm gonna turn it on him, but he knows he has no right to tell me i'm a bitch knowing what he did

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 17:05 
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YerlA wrote:
in a thirld world country u don't let those kinds of opportunities go no matter how much u love someone.

I can't ever imagine going through that... I'm sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 18 Aug 2008, 19:34 
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MissBrown wrote:
YerlA wrote:
in a thirld world country u don't let those kinds of opportunities go no matter how much u love someone.

I can't ever imagine going through that... I'm sorry.


Sounds worst thatn it really is...i can't complaint 'bout my economical situation or anything, but apart from opportunities being harder for us to get, we are also in competitive fields, so i would never believe he doesn't love me just because he left....idk, guess is normal around here. don't feel sorry for me =)

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 19 Aug 2008, 10:42 
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YerlA wrote:
in a thirld world country u don't let those kinds of opportunities go no matter how much u love someone.


meaning something similar to arranged marriages and such?

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 19 Aug 2008, 10:51 
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blest'd wrote:
YerlA wrote:
in a thirld world country u don't let those kinds of opportunities go no matter how much u love someone.


meaning something similar to arranged marriages and such?


no....we are civilized ppl. Unfortunately there is not much investment in science over here, so he have to take opportunities abroad (mainly in europe, ocassionaly in eeuu). I still love my country, education is 100% free over here

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 19 Aug 2008, 10:55 
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oh.. that's pretty awesome really.. but the cons are pretty heavy to attain the pros..

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 13:45 
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So, we talked, i told him he was really hurting my feelings with the whole situation and that he was no saint. He knows the other guy ment nothing to me and that what i did is not really all that bad. He says he does, and that he wants to be with me, but that he needs more time...i asked how can he be so sweet when we are together and so rude when we chat ('cause we where chatting and he told me he didn't felt the same way about me) and he said it's because he can think straight when he sees me, and all he can think 'bout is that he wants to be with me, but when he's alone he still can't understand how could i do that to him...and that is why he needs to be alone, to try and figure out how to get over it......................................... thoughts?

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 14:10 
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Okay if you're really going through with it,as in you REALLY want to be with THIS guy ONLY,then i guess you could give him some time.But i can't understand why he needs to take time and think about the one guy you were with,when clearly he was also out sleeping with other ppl,which i guess you've gotten over....

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 14:15 
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crimsonred wrote:
Okay if you're really going through with it,as in you REALLY want to be with THIS guy ONLY,then i guess you could give him some time.But i can't understand why he needs to take time and think about the one guy you were with,when clearly he was also out sleeping with other ppl,which i guess you've gotten over....


i don't know...i haven't really thought about it...i just know it doesn't stop me from wanting to be with him, so thats really enough for me.
i don't know how this whole waiting this is gonna work out, it's really killing me not being able to talk to him. (though is not like i have another choice...)

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 15:03 
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YerlA wrote:
crimsonred wrote:
Okay if you're really going through with it,as in you REALLY want to be with THIS guy ONLY,then i guess you could give him some time.But i can't understand why he needs to take time and think about the one guy you were with,when clearly he was also out sleeping with other ppl,which i guess you've gotten over....


i don't know...i haven't really thought about it...i just know it doesn't stop me from wanting to be with him, so thats really enough for me.
i don't know how this whole waiting this is gonna work out, it's really killing me not being able to talk to him. (though is not like i have another choice...)


Did you tell him that when he said he needed some time?Because if you haven't,then you need to.I mean you can look past that then he has no business thinking about it...he should just you know...look past it! :)

But honestly,i think he's too stupid!I mean if i had you come up to me and want to get back together,first i'd be floored(because i saw you :P) and second i'd get back together before you could say together!

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 15:10 
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crimsonred wrote:
YerlA wrote:
crimsonred wrote:
Okay if you're really going through with it,as in you REALLY want to be with THIS guy ONLY,then i guess you could give him some time.But i can't understand why he needs to take time and think about the one guy you were with,when clearly he was also out sleeping with other ppl,which i guess you've gotten over....


i don't know...i haven't really thought about it...i just know it doesn't stop me from wanting to be with him, so thats really enough for me.
i don't know how this whole waiting this is gonna work out, it's really killing me not being able to talk to him. (though is not like i have another choice...)


Did you tell him that when he said he needed some time?Because if you haven't,then you need to.I mean you can look past that then he has no business thinking about it...he should just you know...look past it! :)

But honestly,i think he's too stupid!I mean if i had you come up to me and want to get back together,first i'd be floored(because i saw you :P) and second i'd get back together before you could say together!


haha, u r sweet. Yes, i did told him that, he still thinks we should get some time off... =(

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 16:15 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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YerlA wrote:
haha, u r sweet. Yes, i did told him that, he still thinks we should get some time off... =(


Jackass! :)

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 16:26 
Creepy Old Man
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Did it occur to you that maybe he "Got back together" with you just to hit that one more time before he kicked it to the curb? Guys are not above that sort of thing, and to be honest it would be a fitting end to the story.

Let's see, if I read this correctly, you break up with him because he has an opportunity to better himself and takes it... leaving you at home, alone for a few months, with all these cute boys who want to "Get with you". You promptly play hide the salami with one of them, then when the good stuff comes home you suddenly want it back again full time... You are lucky he still speaks to you, Yes, you screwed the pooch on this one, learn from it and drive through

Sometimes "I need some time off" means "I think you are a psycho hose-beast, but I don't want to hurt your feelings because then you will go all whiny crybaby and slit my tires or some stupid shit".

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 16:30 
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dageaux wrote:
Did it occur to you that maybe he "Got back together" with you just to hit that one more time before he kicked it to the curb? Guys are not above that sort of thing, and to be honest it would be a fitting end to the story.

Let's see, if I read this correctly, you break up with him because he has an opportunity to better himself and takes it... leaving you at home, alone for a few months, with all these cute boys who want to "Get with you". You promptly play hide the salami with one of them, then when the good stuff comes home you suddenly want it back again full time... You are lucky he still speaks to you, Yes, you screwed the pooch on this one, learn from it and drive through

Sometimes "I need some time off" means "I think you are a psycho hose-beast, but I don't want to hurt your feelings because then you will go all whiny crybaby and slit my tires or some stupid shit".



Woah. Not cool.

That could have been worded SO much better.

That falls so close to crossing the jackass.. No, know what, that DOES cross the jackass line.

Wtf?

Didn't the discription on here say something about NOT being an ass?

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 Post subject: Re: Am I fucked?
PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008, 16:46 
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dageaux wrote:
Did it occur to you that maybe he "Got back together" with you just to hit that one more time before he kicked it to the curb? Guys are not above that sort of thing, and to be honest it would be a fitting end to the story.


NO, we didn't have sex, we just kissed. so no.

dageaux wrote:
Let's see, if I read this correctly, you break up with him because he has an opportunity to better himself and takes it... leaving you at home, alone for a few months, with all these cute boys who want to "Get with you". You promptly play hide the salami with one of them, then when the good stuff comes home you suddenly want it back again full time... You are lucky he still speaks to you, Yes, you screwed the pooch on this one, learn from it and drive through


it seems u didn't read the whole thing...or maybe u did but i didn't express myself correctly. In any case, it was not like that at all...i broke up with him because i was sad and it was just too much pressure for me. Maybe i didn't realize why i did it at the moment, but i see it clearly now...and i always wanted him, and he always knew that. Even while he was abroad we would speak about it and i would tell him i still loved him.

dageaux wrote:
Sometimes "I need some time off" means "I think you are a psycho hose-beast, but I don't want to hurt your feelings because then you will go all whiny crybaby and slit my tires or some stupid shit".


maybe he does feel that way, or maybe he's not as big as an asshole as u are.-

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