Alright, so, after realizing that commitment scares the shit out of me, and the idea of being tied down make me want to run, not to mention remembering dates and presents, and all the shit going on with my grandpa and mom and the handful of deaths and school, I've made the personal decision to just skip dating for a while. It's too stressful and I don't want to/can't deal with it right now.
Here's the reason I'm back though: So I met corey like 6 months ago, and he was a play thing for a bit, but I was over it when I got a guy. Now that I'm over dating, he's back in my life. He picked me up the other night after a very..... colorful.. fight with the step-dad. And he's just, I'm not entirely sure how to explain it completely, but I can me myself and be weird and loud and all that shit that I usually have to change for the people at school. (not that I do, but you know what I mean)
So we hung out friday and saturday of last week, not to mention a lot before that. He doesn't want to date either, and we both have this thing where we're only with one person while, I suppose for lack of a better term, playing. So basically it's me and him, without having to remember dates or presents or see each other constantly.
He works at a restaurant basically every day. I go to school, and work and babysit, so there's not a lot of time for us to see each other. But so far I have yet to find a friends with benefits guy who says "You know, I don't really wanna just lay here, let's go somewhere." At which point he grabs me, carries me down 3 flights of stairs, sits me in his car, and we end up in a park for like 4 hours, talking about everything and anything. Including the fact that he doesn't want to push me, and he gets that it's just a fwb thing, but he doesn't want it to be all about sex.
So we texted that night more about all this, and there's no way we're dating, it's just not possible. But we both decided that we're okay with what we have, and it's just me and him. Like not him with me and 3 other chicks type of thing.
I need to know how to not get attached and fuck things up. Because I can feel myself doing it, and I don't want to. I know he's busy, and I need to let that be. Idk, it feels like he doesn't want to see me, when I know for a fact he does. He's just really fucking busy. Not to mention I do this thing where I push people away by being like this. Thing is I'd fuck up dating him, because I can't deal with it right now. I'm just happy when I'm with him, it's that simple.
How do I not get too attached and fuck it up..?
“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”
“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”