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 Post subject: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 06:12 
Creepy Old Man
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So I just flew 1400 miles to see my daughter in a play. Well two of my three biological children were in it, I got to see the other two, but my oldest is pissed off at me because I am suing her mother for appropriate visitation rights so I don't have to have a Jerry Springer fight every time I want to see my daughters. Her mother wants more money, typical. I want to show them love, the maternal unit wants money, yep that is pretty standard. I want soooo badly to tell my oldest that she isn't anything but a paycheck to her mother and never will be. Fortunately, I wont do that out of my own morals. The little shit did not even have the courtesy to say hi to me. She saw me several times during the course of the evening and specifically made a point of avoiding me. What an asshole.

I guess the thing that hurts the most is that I can't believe that the fruit of my loins could be so ..... fucking stupid. She will be leaving for India soon and this was her last chance to see me. With any luck I will be in Australia before she comes back and the little shit can't even say hello? I have called, she won't answer. I text, she ignores me. I write, she cashes the checks and then ignores me. After loosing both my parents while I was young, and having some rather unresolved paternal issues of my own I just can't understand how a child could do this. It's not like I am abusive or neglectful. I have spanked her once in her entire life, I try to always be supportive of them, and I try to take their feelings into consideration in my words and actions. I call as much as my pride will let me make un-returned phone calls, I pay my child support every month on time. I have tried to be understanding. Hell I even saved a car for the little shit for when she finally gets a license. I give them almost everything they ask for and this is the way she treats me? I have just about had enough. When I get home, the car gets sold, and the ring I have saved for her from my mother's collection (it was saved from her birth until her 16th b-day which was a couple of weeks ago) will be pawned or given to someone who deserves it. She has gone out of her way several times since the divorce to break my heart (successfully I might add). How many times will I have to go through this? How much is her being angry for divorcing her cunt mother, and how much is just plain vindictive manipulation?

I would have sold my soul at her age for my father to just to put down the beer and acknowledge that I existed. I didn't learn much from my father other than how NOT to be a man and a father. My mother never received one penny of child support, so I vowed I would pay mine just so I wouldn't be like my father. Hell I married her mother against my better judgment and the advice of all my friends just so she didn't end up aborted or put out for adoption (her mother had already put one child up for adoption because the baby daddy would support her bitch ass) I supported that cunt for 13 years while she sat at home and played at being a mother but mostly sent the kids off to a babysitter so she could hang out with my friends and smoke dope. Eventually I realized that I was quickly dying and if I stayed with that bitch I would end up in an early grave form depression and exhaustion. How much more heartache will I have to endure? How much more will she put me through before I just forget I have a daughter with her name?

Hurting sucks!

:ugh:

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 06:18 
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Really sad to hear dag.I couldn't imagine doing anything like that to my parents,for whatever reason.But i'm really lucky that i don't have any reason to also.But from what i see,its purely her loss.You've tried to be a good father and i don't think you've left anything...the only way i see out of this is for her to get some sense in her head.

Btw,didja say she's coming to India?What for?I could knock some sense into her you know.... :)

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 06:29 
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you sound like a great man dag, but i think you should take into consideration the fact that she's 16 and that she lives with a woman who hates you (and you hate back)....your thoughts are very flexible at that age, and no matter how you act, if she's being brained wash by her mom 24/7 she's probably gonna be a little bitch till she grows the fuck up and realizes that you are a good man who do things for her because you care.
It sounds ridiculous to you, 'cause you know exactly what a bad parent is, but it does sounds like you don't see each other very often (don't know if because their mom won't let you, of 'cause you live 1400 miles away, of 'cause you are planning to move to the other side of the world...) so she's obviously gonna be influenced by her mom................

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 09:27 
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crimsonred wrote:
Btw,didja say she's coming to India?What for?I could knock some sense into her you know.... :)
Her maternal grandfather (a good man whom I truly respect) went to school in India as a child while he lived there. When my oldest was born he made the offer that if she could maintain grades, and wanted to, he would send her to his alma mata sometime before she graduated. I don't think he counted on his daughter spitting out kids to avoid having to get a job for 13 years, but he stood by that promise. We will see if the others get that same opportunity, but at $40,000 a pop I don't see how he can afford to send 5 kids (he has 2 other grandchildren by a son + my 3 daughters) to India for a half year.

Anywho, no I would prefer not introduce you to my very pretty, 16 year old, DD-cup daughter. I've seen pictures of you and you are just waaay too pretty to be around her.
:giggles:

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 09:34 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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dageaux wrote:
Anywho, no I would prefer not introduce you to my very pretty, 16 year old, DD-cup daughter. I've seen pictures of you and you are just waaay too pretty to be around her.
:giggles:


Holy crap...this is the 2nd time in like ages since my first gf that a parent is shooing me away.Must be special :P

Anyway dag,just curious...which place in India?I mean i hardly ever hear people coming from the US to study here...our education system here is wayyyy too rigid if you've become accustomed to the us system.

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 10:30 
Creepy Old Man
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YerlA wrote:
you sound like a great man dag, but i think you should take into consideration the fact that she's 16 and that she lives with a woman who hates you (and you hate back)....your thoughts are very flexible at that age, and no matter how you act, if she's being brained wash by her mom 24/7 she's probably gonna be a little bitch till she grows the fuck up and realizes that you are a good man who do things for her because you care.
It sounds ridiculous to you, 'cause you know exactly what a bad parent is, but it does sounds like you don't see each other very often (don't know if because their mom won't let you, of 'cause you live 1400 miles away, of 'cause you are planning to move to the other side of the world...) so she's obviously gonna be influenced by her mom................
I know, sadly I know that, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. The distance is a factor, but mostly it is limited by her mother and I's relationship. Any time I go to see her I have to fly 700 miles (1400 round trip) I have to rent a car because the bitch can't even bother to bring them to the airport, and/or have to rent a hotel room before the return flight. It is a HUGE expense and a major pain in the ass. Did I mention the ridiculous fights every single time I go to pick them up? I drive too fast (hello speed limit is 70mph, if you aint driving 75 you will get your ass run over), she doesn't want the kids to see a friend of mine because he has an obnoxious alchoholic/crack-head girlfriend (great guy, just bad taste in women), whatever she can think of to try and get me to fight with her. I have found the best way to deal with her is just let it all roll off my back, she hates it that she no longer has the power to control me anymore. I will let it go on until she starts repeating herself or she starts to criticize my penis size and then gather up my babies and leave her to fume.

That's why I am trying to sue for clearly defined visitation and some help with travel expense. And that is what my daughter is so mad about. I don't even think she knows what I am suing for. She is just mad that I would DARE to take her mother to court. Ironically her mother is counter-suing for more money which I think is just pathetic. I have always been ontime with my child support. Well I was a couple weeks late in Sept of '05, but it wasn't my fault that I was working at the ass-end of the Mississippi river during Katrina and there weren't any banks open for me to deposit money into her account. I did drive 60 miles outside of the city to try and get to a bank that would open soonest and finally just put a check in the mail. I also have paid half of any genuine extra-curricular expenses that she could provide a reciept for. I note this because I have seen some "expenses" that were never actually purchased. I provide excellent health care coverage for all three and pay half of all the deductibles (I <3 my health insurance comapny). I have jumped through all the hoops, I have gone so much beyond what any of my divorced male aquaintances have done, I have tried so hard, and it is spit back in my face. It hurts....bad

Ironically, hanging out here has been a bit of a help in the 16 year old department. Our EnLev has reacted poorly and on a whim several times when she is caught offguard or percieves a threat or insult, (no offense Lev, but it's true) and that has given me a bit of perspective on the mindset of your average 16 year old psyche. That doesn't mean that I am not ashamed that my daughter could behave that way, but at least it has prepared me for some of it.

I am home now after sleeping in a car (I highly recommend the Dodge Charger for sleeping purposes, it is roomy and has a comfortable backseat) and watching the sun come up twice in one morning (that was odd) The flight gave me some time to cool off and think. I do think I am going to sell the car, but I will keep the ring if for no other reason than she may grow up one day and it was one of my mother's favorite rings. I am not sure if it was the 2 hours flight, the breif catnap I got on the plane, or the big fat doobie I had waiting at home for me, but I do feel better now (well I'm not crying anymore...not much at any rate)

The play was "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis. My middle daughter played "Mrs Beaver" and ws absolutely darling in her costume. She had MANY lines and I was so proud that she didn't miss a one. (she said she did but I certainly didn't notice) She was in I would say probably two-thirds of the scenes in the play. I was so proud. The oldest was "the hag" and had one small scene, I thought that was fitting, but I digress. They had 2 shows yesterday, I picked up the youngest as soon as I landed and signed some papers for Kyrie to go to India and we went to see the first show. Unfortunately it was sold out, so the little one and I rode around and talked. She is such a charming little girl. Smart, well mannered, and thoughtful; she has this infectous smile that instantly put people at their ease. I often say that my Amber could charm the birds from the trees, and I honestly think she could if she put her mind to it. We picked up Drew after the first show and we had about 2 hours to go to dinner and visit. We went to a nice restuarant even though Drew still had about half of her stage makeup on her face. She looked like she had been roling around in oil paint all morning, but we had a good time regardless. Drew likes a specific restuarant that she doesn't get to go to often because it is kinda pricey. It happens to be close to the theater so I splurged and we went in looking like vagabonds. Well, I had dressed nice for the play, but Drew was covered in aforementioned face paint, and Amber was dressed in "play clothes" because I don't suppose that the bitch thought about the fact she was going out into public. Amber and I got to go to the last show (thankfully I was able to get tickets), I hung around for the "Meet and Greet" session after the final show, and stayed until the bitch came to pick them up. I was able to maintain my composure throughout the evening, and smiled and told the girls how much I loved them until I got away from them. By the time I got back to the airport, it was almost ten, and I had to be at the airport for 5 so I just slept in the car, at that point I couldnt feel any more wretched so I didn't bother to get a hotel room.

All things considered I am thankful that I did get to spend a little time with my girls, I am deeply hurt and shamed by the behavior of my oldest, but I am beginning to get used to it. The other two made the expense and trouble worth it and I feel somewhat blessed to be a father, not just a sperm donor.

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Last edited by dageaux on 10 Nov 2008, 10:57, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 10:48 
Creepy Old Man
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crimsonred wrote:
Anyway dag,just curious...which place in India?I mean i hardly ever hear people coming from the US to study here...our education system here is wayyyy too rigid if you've become accustomed to the us system.


Somewhere up north, the school is called Woodstock and it is north east-ish of New Delhi. I did some research when this started actually coming together, but I dont remember too many of the specifics at the moment. I do remember that it is about 300-500 km from Tibet (that concerned me at the time because the chinese were flexing at that time) and that the entire month of January they are going to be on "holiday" and traipsing all over India. The school sent me the itenary and it was certainly packed. They will be all over the country in the span of 30 days, hitting all the historical sights and a few interesting stop-offs as well. I do know that the school is up in the Himilayas which should be interesting seeing as I don't think Kyrie has even seen snow before.
:rofl:

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 14:03 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Oh the Woodstock school....yeah its is Mussoorie,which is like 7-8 hours from New Delhi.I have some cousins living in Dehradoon,which is like at the foot of the hill on which Mussoorie is made.So i've been there quite a lot,its a nice place.But you mentioned they'll be traveling all over,so that should be good.Northern India,especially the snowy regions are an absolute charmer of a place.

Anyway dag,i really hope your oldest sees some sense,even though it might be hard if your ex is poisoning her ears,but lets hope for a movie-ish ending to your story where she realizes she's been wrong all this time and then runs back to you! :)

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 Post subject: Re: Those that we love are those that can hurt us
PostPosted: 10 Nov 2008, 14:29 
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dag...i read through all of that. and I wanted to tell you that no matter what, we do grow up. my father was similar caliber to yours with a nice violent twist. but a couple weeks ago I called him, told him that a lot of what I liked most about myself I had from him, and that I loved him. it didn't really sink in with him, but the point is I forgave him. I'm 24. He never paid child support, he was an asshole, my mom finally took me away from him which effectively stopped his influence in my life because he was too lazy to find a way to see me.

You pay child support, you go out of your way for them, and one day they will see that what they love most about themselves is from you. When I was 16 I set a chemistry lab at my school on fire. We do things at 16 because we are angry at both of our parents and we are struggling to find an outlet for it. We also learn that we have power over peoples emotions, and how to hurt them. If their mom is anything like the impression I am getting, I imagine they also struggle against that poison which she seflishly feeds them so she doesn't have to ever look at herself. Therefore, they don't have the faculty to take out their anger on her, so they turn to you.

You have nothing to be angry at yourself for doing what you thought was right, and marrying her, regardless of the now, gave you the three things that you love most so it was the right decision. The rest is trivial.

So if it took 8 years from 16 for me to get over my dad, who again was a dead ringer for father of the year (cough), I imagine it will take a lot less as the oldest grows up. The best part is I am still trying to deal with my mother and how to forgive her for other things. So it will all balance out and they'll hate your ex wife for eternity. Next time tell the little brat she is lucky to have one good parent.

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