you sound like a great man dag, but i think you should take into consideration the fact that she's 16 and that she lives with a woman who hates you (and you hate back)....your thoughts are very flexible at that age, and no matter how you act, if she's being brained wash by her mom 24/7 she's probably gonna be a little bitch till she grows the fuck up and realizes that you are a good man who do things for her because you care.
It sounds ridiculous to you, 'cause you know exactly what a bad parent is, but it does sounds like you don't see each other very often (don't know if because their mom won't let you, of 'cause you live 1400 miles away, of 'cause you are planning to move to the other side of the world...) so she's obviously gonna be influenced by her mom................
I know, sadly I know that, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. The distance is a factor, but mostly it is limited by her mother and I's relationship. Any time I go to see her I have to fly 700 miles (1400 round trip) I have to rent a car because the bitch can't even bother to bring them to the airport, and/or have to rent a hotel room before the return flight. It is a HUGE expense and a major pain in the ass. Did I mention the ridiculous fights every single time I go to pick them up? I drive too fast (hello speed limit is 70mph, if you aint driving 75 you will get your ass run over), she doesn't want the kids to see a friend of mine because he has an obnoxious alchoholic/crack-head girlfriend (great guy, just bad taste in women), whatever she can think of to try and get me to fight with her. I have found the best way to deal with her is just let it all roll off my back, she hates it that she no longer has the power to control me anymore. I will let it go on until she starts repeating herself or she starts to criticize my penis size and then gather up my babies and leave her to fume.
That's why I am trying to sue for clearly defined visitation and some help with travel expense. And that is what my daughter is so mad about. I don't even think she knows what I am suing for. She is just mad that I would DARE to take her mother to court. Ironically her mother is counter-suing for more money which I think is just pathetic. I have always been ontime with my child support. Well I was a couple weeks late in Sept of '05, but it wasn't my fault that I was working at the ass-end of the Mississippi river during Katrina and there weren't any banks open for me to deposit money into her account. I did drive 60 miles outside of the city to try and get to a bank that would open soonest and finally just put a check in the mail. I also have paid half of any genuine extra-curricular expenses that she could provide a reciept for. I note this because I have seen some "expenses" that were never actually purchased. I provide excellent health care coverage for all three and pay half of all the deductibles (I <3 my health insurance comapny). I have jumped through all the hoops, I have gone so much beyond what any of my divorced male aquaintances have done, I have tried so hard, and it is spit back in my face. It hurts....bad
Ironically, hanging out here has been a bit of a help in the 16 year old department. Our EnLev has reacted poorly and on a whim several times when she is caught offguard or percieves a threat or insult, (no offense Lev, but it's true) and that has given me a bit of perspective on the mindset of your average 16 year old psyche. That doesn't mean that I am not ashamed that my daughter could behave that way, but at least it has prepared me for some of it.
I am home now after sleeping in a car (I highly recommend the Dodge Charger for sleeping purposes, it is roomy and has a comfortable backseat) and watching the sun come up twice in one morning (that was odd) The flight gave me some time to cool off and think. I do think I am going to sell the car, but I will keep the ring if for no other reason than she may grow up one day and it was one of my mother's favorite rings. I am not sure if it was the 2 hours flight, the breif catnap I got on the plane, or the big fat doobie I had waiting at home for me, but I do feel better now (well I'm not crying anymore...not much at any rate)
The play was "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis. My middle daughter played "Mrs Beaver" and ws absolutely darling in her costume. She had MANY lines and I was so proud that she didn't miss a one. (she said she did but I certainly didn't notice) She was in I would say probably two-thirds of the scenes in the play. I was so proud. The oldest was "the hag" and had one small scene, I thought that was fitting, but I digress. They had 2 shows yesterday, I picked up the youngest as soon as I landed and signed some papers for Kyrie to go to India and we went to see the first show. Unfortunately it was sold out, so the little one and I rode around and talked. She is such a charming little girl. Smart, well mannered, and thoughtful; she has this infectous smile that instantly put people at their ease. I often say that my Amber could charm the birds from the trees, and I honestly think she could if she put her mind to it. We picked up Drew after the first show and we had about 2 hours to go to dinner and visit. We went to a nice restuarant even though Drew still had about half of her stage makeup on her face. She looked like she had been roling around in oil paint all morning, but we had a good time regardless. Drew likes a specific restuarant that she doesn't get to go to often because it is kinda pricey. It happens to be close to the theater so I splurged and we went in looking like vagabonds. Well, I had dressed nice for the play, but Drew was covered in aforementioned face paint, and Amber was dressed in "play clothes" because I don't suppose that the bitch thought about the fact she was going out into public. Amber and I got to go to the last show (thankfully I was able to get tickets), I hung around for the "Meet and Greet" session after the final show, and stayed until the bitch came to pick them up. I was able to maintain my composure throughout the evening, and smiled and told the girls how much I loved them until I got away from them. By the time I got back to the airport, it was almost ten, and I had to be at the airport for 5 so I just slept in the car, at that point I couldnt feel any more wretched so I didn't bother to get a hotel room.
All things considered I am thankful that I did get to spend a little time with my girls, I am deeply hurt and shamed by the behavior of my oldest, but I am beginning to get used to it. The other two made the expense and trouble worth it and I feel somewhat blessed to be a father, not just a sperm donor.