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 Post subject: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 13 Nov 2008, 17:33 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Just a general question....dunno if it really belongs in this section anyway.

So i had this girlfriend,my first one ever.Its been almost 4 years since we broke up,but she was pretty much the first and probably only serious relationship i was ever in.Anyway,after we broke up(which was NOT pretty!),we've been friends.Atleast we've tried to.But a strange thing happened this year...to be specific,in the last 2 months.She forgot my birthday and I forgot hers.Its not that i remembered till the day before and forgot,i COMPLETELY forgot.So anyway,what i'm asking is,is it weird being friends with an ex?

It was weird being friends with her after the breakup,all the emotions and all that jazz.But now,i pretty much don't give a fuck.But should i be feeling bad for not giving a fuck?Because every time i think about it,i feel like i've let down a friend.She was my BEST friend when we were going out....even though i'd known her for only a year before dating her,i could pretty much understand what she was thinking and vice versa.So should i be feeling bad?

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 13 Nov 2008, 17:40 
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My ex husband is my best friend.

There is no weird feelings and my SO gets along well with him. We'll have BBQs together and stuff.

So long as you can keep it from feeling weird, its good. And when getting into a new relationship, don't hide your ex from them. Communication is key, and being friends with your ex's can feel wrong to an SO, so communicate and compromise any concerns they have.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 13 Nov 2008, 19:51 
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I don't think you have any reason to feel bad dude. It's an ex, not a wife ya know? I mean if you remember that's thoughtful and all but I wouldn't really lose sleep over it. She has another guy to remember those dates, and vice versa. But to be honest I'm a terrible resource.This is so foreign to me...my ex called me a psycho stalker last night because I told her I was gonna meet up with another girl. I thought I was being nice.

But I really wouldn't worry about it, send flowers and even if they are late should be all good.

what's it like to have mature stable relationships? sounds boring. don't answer this.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 14 Nov 2008, 11:10 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Gotcha...

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 16 Nov 2008, 10:39 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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I am such a FUCKING IDIOT!My ex's birthday is actually 2 days from now,and i thought it was on the 11th and i fucking sent her a text on the 14th saying "Belated Happy Birthday.Sorry i missed it..."

I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!

No wonder she didn't reply.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 16 Nov 2008, 11:55 
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Granted I'm horrible at having stable, decent relationships, I'm friends with all of my "ex's" and the guys who I had a fling or whatever with and then something happens.. Like they find a chick, move, whatever.

But I'm friends with all of them surprisingly, and it's not weird at all, we're really open about what we did and stuff, so it's not like we're edging around anything. That helps.

Makes for a fun time when him, me and the current gf are together though, she gets REALLY awkward really fast.

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“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 04 Feb 2009, 10:14 
Reginald Cuntypants
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Sorry, I know this may be considered 'grave digging', but it just stood out as it's almost exactly the same situation as I was in.
I've never found a girl as perfect for me as my ex was. We were both perfectly suited for each other, and we were each other's best friends. Then I managed to bring 6 months crashing to the ground in a three day nightmare, and things were left pretty up in the air after that. She still wanted to be friends, but after a few weeks I realised that I was still in love with her, and the more I tried to be normal with her, the more my twisted emotions hurt both her and me. In the end I wrote her a message explaining this, and cut myself off from her and her friends. Pretty much disappeared.

To be honest I think that it was better to just let her get on with her life than if I tried to be her friend, as anything less than a relationship would've been torture. I could see myself blowing up and making things worse when my emotions got the better of me, so I figured it'd be best to leave things while we're still on reasonable terms and fade into the past. Otherwise I would've just always been hoping for more.

As with you, it's been 4 years since I last spoke to her, and I still wonder whether things would've worked out if I'd stuck with it. But I think I made the best decision for her. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that if either of you still hold romantic feelings for the other, it's likely to cause problems.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 04 Feb 2009, 16:45 
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Oh my god, you just cut off ties and expected that was what she wanted? I would be so... I don't even know.. upset? pissed? ugh?!

Shit...

I dunno, maybe you were right to do it, I don't know the whole story, but still..

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 04 Feb 2009, 16:48 
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I'm still friends with all my ex gfs....cept for the one murderous one but I still see her fairly often.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 04 Feb 2009, 22:25 
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Does she sit across the room and give you the evil eye, or the I hope to god I don't find you alone tonight look? Did you ever tell us WHY she wanted to kill you?

I'm friends with all my ex's too. it's not a big deal, sometimes it's a little difficult for me, but it's all under the bridge. If there's any tension or awkward shit I'm straight with them about my feelings of still wanting them/not still wanting them, that's seemed to work for me, and I'm shallow and high school/just out of high school boys are dumb tools. We manage to play nice.

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 04 Feb 2009, 22:47 
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Went out drinking with the boys and I got back to the apartment late as hell, bitch thought I was cheating on her, I turned my back for a few seconds and she pulled a fucking butchers knife. Ah....memories..

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 05 Feb 2009, 10:20 
Reginald Cuntypants
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She sounds like a real treasure. O_O

EnleverJusteLeBord wrote:
Oh my god, you just cut off ties and expected that was what she wanted? I would be so... I don't even know.. upset? pissed? ugh?!

Shit...

I dunno, maybe you were right to do it, I don't know the whole story, but still..


To be honest I think I did everything I possibly could have wrong. She was -is- the most beautiful, deep young woman I've ever met, and I was so scared of losing her that I just went into a complete state of panic. She's had a pretty rough life so far, and I figured that the last thing she needs is some neurotic, possessive moron begging her to take him back every time she tried to have a normal conversation. I didn't want to get in the way of her finding some half-decent guy who could actually treat her well, and it hurt too much to keep talking to her knowing that she loves somebody else, so I did the weak thing and ran.

I still wonder why the hell I did, but I'm worried about trying to talk to her as a friend again in case she tells me to piss off or in case I say something stupid. The whole thing's just a huge car crash. All of my own doing. Ugh...

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 05 Feb 2009, 16:43 
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1. Does she for sure love someone else?

2. Talk to her, if you don't you'll always have to wonder. Which is maybe the worst thing to have to do in life.

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“It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 05 Feb 2009, 17:06 
Reginald Cuntypants
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I don't really know if she loves somebody else. To be honest I don't really want to know. She said she still loves me, just not in that way.

I often consider sending her a message and seeing if she's still alive, but fear of failure, general overwhelming insecurity and what-not always stops me.
It was a long distance relationship, by the way. We met first, exchanged IM addresses and got on like a house on fire. She gradually learned to trust me, and told me that she loved how I didn't treat her like a trophy girlfriend. Apparently I was special. Unfortunately I've been suffering with agoraphobia and social anxiety for 4 years, left school at 13 and I've been a prisoner in my own home ever since. It's typical that I meet 'the one' just as everything's going down the shitter. It all ended when I took a leap of faith and stayed with her for the weekend. I felt on the brink of puking the whole time. We didn't go out, I didn't shower for fear of vomiting naked, I wasn't 'passionate enough' due to sickness and the whole thing was a damn nightmare.
So as you can imagine things have been pretty weird since. The worst thing is that I'm pretty sure things would've been fine if I didn't feel so sick. Though in the end, although I cant control what happens, I can control how I react.

My coping mechanism at the moment is hiding under the bed and hoping that everything goes away. So I'm not sure if trying to rebuild a platonic relationship with her would be such a good idea until I can sort my sorry ass out. It's even more difficult when I can't just bump into her.

Wow, I'm sure I've just made myself sound really attractive, there. :smack:

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"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" - Charles Bukowski


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 05 Feb 2009, 20:40 
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Were you ligitly sick?

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“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

-Bill Watterson


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 05 Feb 2009, 20:43 
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Do what I do to talk to people, get hammered and just go with the flow, if that doesn't cure anxiety I dunno what does.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 09:53 
Reginald Cuntypants
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EnleverJusteLeBord wrote:
Were you ligitly sick?


I don't know to this day. My psychologist said it was probably because of anxiety, but on the trip to her house I was sat in the back of a car with the dog sneezing all over me. It was a little odd because he was off of his food for the whole weekend too.
Though the sickness made me feel more anxious, and that made me feel more sick. I'm just so mad because it feels like I didn't get a fair chance. Though as I said, if I was really a half-decent person I could've coped with it and made the best out of a bad situation.

I think I may take Stans advice and just stay drunk for the rest of my life. Either that or just stick to hiding under the bed and not answering the door. The whole things just a bloody mess.

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"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" - Charles Bukowski


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 10:00 
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It works for me, I'm usually at some level of inebriation 90% of the time.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 10:07 
Reginald Cuntypants
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They do say that a little alcohol can make you more sociable. Though do I really need alcoholism on top of everything else? Perhaps if I get enough disorders, they'll begin to cancel each other out.

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"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" - Charles Bukowski


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 10:14 
Been here too long
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A couple of drinks a day doesn't make you an alcoholic. Unfortunately the same can't be said about me. I've just begun my day and I'm really tempted to start it off with a bloody mary and some eggs

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 10:23 
Reginald Cuntypants
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The problem begins when you start to feel that you cant socialise without having a drink. It's easy to get into.

Have you ever been tempted to join AA?

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"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" - Charles Bukowski


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 10:58 
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I've thought about it and my friends and family have suggested it too.
I think I'm alright for now though.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 14:58 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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Its all in your head. Confidence is the key.

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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 15:01 
Reginald Cuntypants
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I agree. Unfortunately my philosophy is that you can think that you're a great person, but if everybody else thinks you're a twat, you're a twat. In some ways I'm afraid of being confident in case I make an ass of myself.
...Then again, look where that's got me. :ugh:

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"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" - Charles Bukowski


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 Post subject: Re: Being friends with the Ex?
PostPosted: 06 Feb 2009, 15:14 
Have you tried turning it off and on again
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I get what you're saying. I used to think like that a long time ago...but then I just realized that it honestly doesn't matter what other people think if you believe in yourself. Confidence if backed by belief in yourself can be a very powerful thing.

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