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 Post subject: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 14 Jan 2009, 12:08 
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Bored Housewife Cougar


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She has tons of money, an amazing condo in the heart of the city, nothing but time on her hands and most importantly, shes got a neglectful husband who is never around. While he is off making millions and slaying his secretary, the bored housewife cougar is plotting her next attack. She is hungry for twenty something blood, and any clean cut, button down shirt-wearing victim will do.

Her favorite places to go are bars in more upscale parts of town. Places that sell $6 bottles of beer and $12 vodka tonics are perfect. She doesn’t dance to Bon Jovi. She probably voted for George Bush (twice). She lies in wait at the end of the bar for her victims.

If you are attacked by this cougar, you’re guaranteed to have some unforgettable fun in an amazing pad. It will be The Graduate x 100. She is going to destroy you; all that lack of spousal attention is going to be channeled at you like a laser beam. Make sure to have good time, but remember not to overstay your welcome. If her husband does happen to come home, he’s guaranteed to skin you alive.

Woo Girl Cougar


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You are at a lively bar, and during the intro to every classic 80’s song that blares from the house speakers, a group of women let out a giant chorus of “Woooooo!” These creatures, known as woo cougars, have let out their "roar!" and are in search of strong bright colored drinks, loud glam rock and naïve college guys who are highly intoxicated. They move around crowded bars as a unit, and when they spot their victim, woo cougars circle around him. They seductively dance in close proximity and offer the prey a sip of their drinks, asking "Is this too strong?" Flirty. The end is near. Sometimes woo cougars aren’t always good looking, so they tend to either bag a guy that is getting drunk or is already drunk. If you fit this bill, and end up getting attacked, the good news is you will have a fun evening. The bad news is that you may wake up drunk and next to a sea monster.

Plastic Cougar


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Back in the day she used to be a real gem. But looks don’t last forever, and with her, that is certainly the case. But she isn’t ready to let go. Instead of letting nature take its course, she has resisted. Countless botox treatments combined with several chest augmentation procedures have left her looking like a mannequin. As strange as her appearance might be to some, to others it’s very attractive. And for this reason she is a prime time cougar. She’s had lots of practice landing young bucks. She has learned to use tools lure in her prey. Like a fisherman, she displays her $5K boobs as bait, and sits back. She is the Venus Fly Trap of the bar.

Boss Cougar


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This is the most dangerous predator of them all. Not only is she sexy and flirtatious, but she also happens to be your boss. Ever since you started working at this job she has been doing nothing but give you innuendoes of the sexual kind. She is trying to reel you into her web by asking you to stay after hours to assist her with projects, and as much as it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can’t say no. After all she is your boss. If you like your job, you can’t go any further with her than a handshake. Your company has a strict policy of no fraternization. But then again, if she wants to get nasty on the conference table, how can you deny her. She is your boss. It’s more than likely that nobody in the office will find out that you’ve been night putting with your manager, but if they do you will be canned for sure. You are in a pickle. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You’ve got to make a decision. Do you like your job or do you want to get rowdy with boss cougar?

Bar Fly Cougar


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If you post up at the bar within two stools of this predator, she’ll insist on either starting up and conversation or on buying you a drink. She knows the bartender (because she’s always there) and tells him to “give the young man one of what I am having.” He gives you some sort of gross concoction that tastes like it’s pure alcohol. It’s free, so you drink up. Bad idea. Before you know it, you’ve got a major buzz going, and she senses it. She moves in for the kill. This cougar is pretty straight forward, maybe because she is trashed from drinking well gin all afternoon. She says, “I can suck a bowling ball through a hose, so imagine what I’d do to you, sonny.” This would normally send you into convulsions of laughter, but that god-awful drink really did the trick and your drunk googles are in full effect. Brace for a rough next morning. Yeah, you got some, but chances are it came with a whole bunch of venereal goodies.


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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 14 Jan 2009, 12:41 
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haha, This reminds me of CaddyShack. Its a club near my house that we go to sometimes. Cougars are everywhere in there. Its like there prime feeding ground. (Dag, you know the place?)

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 14 Jan 2009, 21:03 
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hell yea I am pretty sure I went there a few times with my cougar friend, strip mall right off of Lapalco not too far from the bridge?

The most memorable thing about that bar was the band, they were TRULY horrible, being a musician I finally had to tell my friend that if she wanted me to go out with her anymore we would have to start going someplace else, because the house band was physically painful for me to listen to...

FYI she ended up marrying a guy half her age a few months ago, which is probably a good thing I never got attacked because as I told her "I would ask you to come home with me, but I am afraid you would KEEL me" She did send me a card once signed "your fiance'" .... boy that was a bitch to explain to my daughters....

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 14 Jan 2009, 22:28 
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dageaux wrote:
hell yea I am pretty sure I went there a few times with my cougar friend, strip mall right off of Lapalco not too far from the bridge? .


LOL thats the place!

dageaux wrote:
The most memorable thing about that bar was the band, they were TRULY horrible, being a musician I finally had to tell my friend that if she wanted me to go out with her anymore we would have to start going someplace else, because the house band was physically painful for me to listen to...


Dude, the music is still horrible! The owner has a band and he is the only one that ever plays there on Saturday nights. I dont know how that place is still so packed late at night on a saturday night. Guess everybody just wants to get a little closer to home.

Did you live on the Westbank??

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 15 Jan 2009, 03:37 
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as the tall, blonde 24 year old in Boston....trust me...it's absurd how ridiculously aggressive older women are towards me. that and gay dudes. fucking a christ.

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 15 Jan 2009, 03:42 
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mzziqztixl wrote:
as the tall, blonde 24 year old in Boston....trust me...it's absurd how ridiculously aggressive older women are towards me. that and gay dudes. fucking a christ.

I can see that. No offense, but your curls make you look sensitive and pretty.

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 15 Jan 2009, 03:58 
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mzziqztixl wrote:
as the tall, blonde 24 year old in Boston....trust me...it's absurd how ridiculously aggressive older women are towards me. that and gay dudes. fucking a christ.


I feel your pain as far as the gays go. Cougars don't frequent the places I go to though, maybe I need to bag me one of them haha.

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 15 Jan 2009, 11:50 
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I read in Cosmo (yes I do read it sometimes, shut up) that alot of guys actually Love getting with Cougars. they know exactly what they want so no games are involved and the sex is supposed to be awesome.

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 Post subject: Re: Cougar Guide
PostPosted: 15 Jan 2009, 15:48 
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BayouGirl25 wrote:
I read in Cosmo (yes I do read it sometimes, shut up) that alot of guys actually Love getting with Cougars. they know exactly what they want so no games are involved and the sex is supposed to be awesome.

:werd:

I have dated girls half my age and women twice my age, and all things considered I would rather deal with wrinkles than drama

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