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 Post subject: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 02 Apr 2010, 21:53 
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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future

By Nick Hide on 01 April 2010, 10:33am

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.


Fine and dandy but the part I am most interested in is how this dude ghosted out of a secure mental health facility. It's not like they let them run free...

I'm just saying. Claims he';s from the future. Disappears. No one seems to care about the obvious correlation? Just sayin'.

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 03 Apr 2010, 12:07 
Reginald Cuntypants
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Read this too and wasn't sure whether to laugh or fire up the DeLorean (? I can't 80's cars properly).

Does sound a bit spooky, but as much as I'd like to believe Doctor Who exists... well... no. Stopping Mountain Dew deliveries probably isn't the best way to go about shutting down a huge scientific installation. If he's from the future, where's his sonic screwdriver? :(

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 03 Apr 2010, 12:30 
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well it makes sense if you think about it.

i mean what are scientist but old overpaid nerds?
and nerds are powered by mountain dew and cheetos.
trufax.

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 03 Apr 2010, 18:05 
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The point is how the fuck do you escape a mental health facility? They are prisons with more privileges and (slightly) less rape.

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 03 Apr 2010, 18:10 
Creepy Old Man
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Where does it say he escaped? Besides, it said they caught him and even examined his time machine. I mean really, they EXAMINED IT, they knew there was no use trying to hold him. He was a goner before...I mean after... ummm Befter?? they ever caught him.

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 03 Apr 2010, 18:37 
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dageaux wrote:
Where does it say he escaped?


mzziqztixl wrote:
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 03 Apr 2010, 18:41 
Been here too long
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Quote:
By Nick Hide on 01 April 2010, 10:33am

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 Post subject: Re: Okay wait...what...?
PostPosted: 04 Apr 2010, 09:20 
Foxxy
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lol. Nice catch Ro.


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